Captain Larsen was a big man, with hazel eyes and short cropped hair, dark brown with a sprinkle of gray going through it and doing its best at balding in the front. He would laugh and say, “I don’t have a forehead any more, it’s more like a five head.”
Two young police officers were called into Captain Larson’s office. They had no idea who the other was, though everyone knew Captain Larson. He sat in his big chair and looked at the two officers. “Bud O’Day, meet Ray Simpson.”
They murmured amenities, while shaking hands.
“You two have been screw ups since day one. I don’t know how either of you made the department, but I’ve decided to pair you up as partners. This will be a kind of a new start for both of you. This should prove to be real interesting. I wouldn’t consider it, but we need the man-power and no one else will work with either of you. Hopefully, between you both, you might manage to make one good officer. It is effective immediately.” They were dismissed with a wave of his hand.
Bud and Ray glanced at each other and then stared at the captain. They couldn’t believe what they’d just heard.
“Yes, sir,” then they turned around and headed for the briefing room for the daily information they needed to do their jobs. Afterwards, they headed out to their squad car in the garage.
“Seems like I can’t do anything right, you Bud?”
“Me either. Guess the captain knew what he was talking about.”
Ray piped up, “I’ll do all the driving.”
“Whatever. It suits me just fine.”
While walking towards their cruiser, they kept taking sidelong glances at each other, each trying to size up the new partner he had been saddled with.
Ray thought, ‘He looks okay with his red hair, greenish eyes, and a lean body. Not as tall as I am. I think I’ll like working with him. I’m sure we’ll watch each other’s backs.’
Bud, with his own similar thoughts, took in Ray. Blonde hair, blue eyes, way over six foot tall. No excess weight. ‘We’ll do fine together.’
“So, why do they call you Bud?”
“It’s a long story. I want you to know though, if you breathe a word of this I will deny it and then I may have to kill you.”
Ray laughed a dubious laugh. “Go ahead and tell me, I won’t tell a soul. You have my word on that, because we are partners.”
Bud continued, “My mother was an avid reader and she loved the different names the authors came up with. I could have been named Oscar at one point, and then she decided on ‘Percy.’ Ain’t that a hoot and a half?”
“I think I’ve heard worse, but it is pretty bad to be saddled with a name like that. Do you have a middle name that goes with Percy?
“Yep, I do. It’s Ambrosia.”
“Oh, my God! Now that is a handle. Let’s see, so your whole name is, Percy Ambrosia O’Day?”
“That’s what it is. Now you see why I don’t want everyone and their dog to know? I get enough razzing as it is, about other things. I was told when I was young, ‘If people were talking about you, and teasing or laughing at you, at least they were leaving someone else alone.’ It really wasn’t much comfort.”
Ray shook his head and with sympathy for Bud, he added, “That’s a story for the books.”
Days later, Bud and Ray were working the day shift and were sitting in their patrol car having coffee and doughnuts. A call came on the police radio asking all available officers to meet at a local bar, ‘Code 207,’a daytime, armed robbery in progress, using ‘Code 2,’ otherwise known as, ‘No Sirens.’ They were only a couple of minutes from the scene. The first to arrive, they waited for back up and within less than a minute, three other police units showed up with two officers in each car. All eight jumped out of their vehicles.
Sergeant Denton started giving orders to the men. “Bud and Ray go in first, followed by Dean and Will. Hank and I will follow. Jim and Bill cover the back. Be careful, guys; don’t forget this gent is armed! Let’s do it!”
Bud led off with Ray close on his heels, Dean and Will immediately behind them, then Hank. It was dark in the bar after coming from outside. Bud didn’t see the step down and he fell flat on his face. Ray fell on top. Dean and Will fell over the two of them. Hank was able to stop before he went over the other four, but fell to his knees on the inside step. The officers could hear the sergeant laughing.
When Jim and Bill heard the laughing, they cautiously went in the back door. When they saw what had happened, they started laughing, as were the bartender and patrons.
The robber laid his gun on the top of the bar, leaned over resting his head on his arms; laughing so hard he wet himself. He managed to get out, “I give up! That’s the funniest damned thing I’ve ever seen. Just like the Keystone Kops!”
The sergeant walked in calmly and took the robber’s gun, handcuffed him and read him his rights. “You understand what I’ve just said?”
The robber, almost choking with laughter, answered, “I think so.”
The sergeant, Hank, and the robber left for the police station. Bill and Jim followed.
The officers got up, brushed the dirt from their clothes, and tried to regain their composure. They began questioning the patrons and bartender. Once in awhile someone would chuckle and then it was complete chaos again!
“That turned into a real fiasco. We’ll be the laughing stock of the station. Ever screw up on something like that before, Ray?”
“Not quite that bad. I did have a funny thing happen when I was on duty. I started chasing a guy who was speeding. It was at the end of my shift and I was going to be smart and not end up doing paper work when I got back to the station. Pulled this guy over, walked up to the vehicle. I said to him, “If you can give me one good reason why you were speeding, I won’t give you a ticket.”
The guy looked up at me. “Okay. My wife left me for a cop.”
“That’s no excuse.” I told him.
“Well,” the guy continues, “I thought you were the cop and were bringing her back to me!” I let the guy go with a warning.”
Bud chuckled. “Now that’s one I haven’t heard before.”
“I did go by the book. Checked insurance, driver’s license, registration and called for warrants. Of course, I still had the paper work to do that I was trying to get out of.”
“How are doing in the romance department Bud? Anyone special?”
“I wish there was. Every time I go out with a girl a few times, and let drop that I’m a cop, she can’t get far enough away, fast enough. I was engaged once, screwed that up too. That was before I went into police work. Maybe someday something will work out. Until then, I’ll keep playing the field. How about you? Engaged, married, children?”
“Nada. I’m having the same problems in that area you are.”
They drove up to the station, got out of the car, and went in. Sure enough, they got the horselaugh. When they came upon Dean and Will, they gave them a hesitant look. Both looked at the first two, “Yeah, we just about got laughed out of here too! I don’t think any of us will live this one down,” said Will, standing behind Dean.
Days went by with normal traffic stops, nothing more. This made both officers happy and relieved that they weren’t having problems like before. They were driving down the street looking for license plates out of date. The radio blurted out, a ‘417 in progress at 531 Mulberry Street. ‘A family disturbance.’ They took off to the address while Bud called in they were responding. When they arrived they could hear a man yelling and cussing and a woman crying. They announced themselves as they pounded on the front door. The man let them in and they could see the woman lying on the floor. She had a bloody nose, mouth, and cut above the right eye. Bud went up to the man and told him he was going to cuff him and take him to jail for assault and battery. The woman leaped up from the floor and yelled, “No!” She launched an attack at Ray. He tried to ward her off. She literally beat the holy crud out of him before Bud could come to his rescue. “Hang in there, Buddy, helps coming!” He finally got the woman pulled off Ray and managed to cuff her too. Then he called an ambulance for Ray, as she had hit him in the head with a lamp. He also called for back up. Ray spent a few days recuperating while the stitches on his forehead and the bruises over his body healed. He hadn’t realized the woman was so large and could do that much damage.
Weeks later, the two officers were once again on traffic patrol. They were sitting at a traffic light and right before their eyes, a car with an older man driving, went flying through the intersection. He plowed into another car driven by a woman and she had a little girl with her. The old man’s car swerved away and came to a halt across the street. For some unknown reason the woman’s car burst into flames! Bud jumped out of the squad car while Ray radioed in the information, and charged after Bud. While trying to get the woman and little girl out of the burning car, both cops burned their hands. They did succeed with the rescue and had moved so fast, the woman and girl seemed to be fine, other than just scared and shock was setting in.
A fire truck and three ambulances arrived along with more police cars. Two medics attended the woman and child, while two more checked the old man. He seemed to have had a heart attack and lost control of his car. The last two medics took care of Ray and Bud’s hands. All five were then transported to the hospital. This meant more convalescence for Ray, but this time Bud was included.
Ray and Bud had worked together for some time. They were called into Captain Larson’s office once again. He told them, “You two are up for commendations at the banquet.” They thanked him and went out.
The night of the banquet, Captain Larson was announcing names of officers and what they were giving medals for. The last two officers on the agenda were Bud and Ray. The Captain cleared his throat and gave a longer speech, admitting what he had told them when he partnered them together. “I made a big mistake telling Bud and Ray that they might be able to make one good officer between the two of them. I would like to clear that up here and now. I’m proud to announce; now there are two!”
Ray and Bud grinned at each other and shook hands. “Guess we did all right partner!”
“That we did, Bud, that we did!”