Copyright © 2000 by W. E. Lopez
By
W. E. Lopez
“This is more than just a school boy prank,” I told him. “Why do you have to do it this way? Why can’t you just let things go on as they are? Why can’t you set an example for others by the way you live instead of the way you die?”
“People are seldom remembered for the way they live,” he answered. In the darkness of our secret meeting place
amid the cold, stone walls his features were all but hidden in the shadows; all
but his eyes, the blue of which pierced me with an icy cold dread that I could
feel right down to my very bones. Were
they a mad man’s eyes? His plan surely
seemed mad to me. It was more than mad,
for only the maddest of the mad could conceive what he had asked of me. “More often than not, they are remembered for
the way they die,” he went on. “My death
has to be so spectacular that it will be remembered for all time.”
“And that’s why you’ve asked me to do this? Just so you’ll be remembered?” I loved him, for he was my truest friend, but
this was more than any brother should be asked to do, and I told him so.
“I know it’s a hard thing for you.
My part is easy. Dying is the
easy part. You’ll have to go on living
while they ask you what it was all about.”
Why was he begging me to do this?
Why was I agreeing? Was he insane
and I but following him blindly? “You
can’t go on preaching rebellion and expect to get away with it. They’ll have to do something about you. You know that, don’t you?”
“I can’t let them go on teaching this rubbish,” he said softly in the
darkness.
“That’s why you brought me here, to this place? Because you don’t like what the teachers
teach, you’ve decided this is where you’ll end it? You’re going to sacrifice yourself to an
altar of knowledge? But it’s their
knowledge, and not the way you want it to end.”
“It is time for the end,” he said, “the climate is right. Before I reach an age when my teeth have
fallen out, when my eyes have dimmed and my mind grown weak. People will not believe if I let that happen.
“This isn’t the end, it’s just a beginning. After I’m gone, people will never forget this
place, and they’ll never forget me. This
is my destiny, and you are destined to play a role so that I may achieve
immortality.”
“I don’t want to do it,” I said.
“I don’t want any part of this.”
“But you will do it, won’t you?
Without your help, I’ll simply be forgotten, or worse.”
I could sense his mind was made up.
He was going to do this thing even if I refused to help him. Without my help it could all go wrong, he
truly needed me, I had to agree. I
didn’t want it all to be for nothing, but I didn’t want him to die either.
“Dammit!” I cursed. “Why did you have to choose me? Why do I have to be the one?”
“The others are too weak. In their
weakness they would give in and yield to authority. You are the only one who is strong
enough. The only one I trust. You must do this for me.” His gentle voice pleaded with me and his eyes
were begging. When the impact of what he
was asking fully sunk in, my eyes began to cloud over and it was even more
difficult to see him there in the shadows through my tears.
He stepped forward and enveloped me in his arms. The magic of his closeness seemed to flow
from his body to mine and I knew that I would agree. I loved him more than any man and wanted to
have no part of his death, but the choice was no longer mine. He had made the decision for me and I yielded
to him.
His lips were soft upon my cheek as he kissed me and then pushed me
away. “Go now, be strong, Judas!”
I couldn’t help myself. I skulked
away amongst the shadows, never once looking back at Jesus. I had to locate the soldiers and betray him
as he had commanded me.